I won’t write every day, simply because, some days, I can’t. However, after I wrote yesterday, I knew I had to pick up my head and meet this deadline. I have already emailed the client and told them that, out of three parts, the third part of the contract will be a day late. However, what I did yesterday AFTER getting off the couch is the most important thing I could have done.
When my grandmother was alive, she gave our family the best gift she could have given to anyone. She had stillborn children.
Years later, my aunt also experienced the death of a child. She didn’t get out of bed for days. My grandmother went to her house and told her, “I have experienced the death of a child three times. You need to get through this. This is what you are going to do. You are going to make a list. On that list, you’re going to write down, ‘1. Get up 2. Get dressed 3. Brush teeth 4. Get food.’ As you do each thing, you’re going to cross it off. When you get done, you’re going to look at that list, and realize that you have accomplished something today.”
That’s what I did. I got up and wrote a list. I added things such as, “Eat. Walk the dog. Sweep the floor.”
This is so important in depression. On my worst days, I can at least realize I’ve accomplished something. My grandmother gave us the best gift she could ever give. She taught us how to have a sense of purpose, when we think that we have none at all.
I have to stick to the list, or I won’t do anything. I have to force myself to work on the list. I had to force myself to get up today, but, because I had the list, I was motivated to get out of bed, and I finally did, even though I didn’t want to get up at all. I set myself up to have something waiting for me, and it worked.
Depression is a beast, and it will win if I let it. It will lose if I keep fighting, and I will fight forever. Thank goodness for my grandmother, who unwillingly gave me an important tool to help fight the battles.